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RIP Mike and Ben
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[Myles's
comments are in big, blue, Italicized brackets, just like
these.]
Originally aired Monday,
April 24th.
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Inconsequential
Women of the 20th Century:
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A
recurring segment in which the most trivial
women of the last 1,000 years are held
accountable for their failure to contribute
anything to the world. In this case, Mother
Theresa.
Featuring:
Tim
Heiderich
(voice)
Next
Clip >
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[Tim's
debut piece and boy oh boy is it hysterical. Everbody I show
this episode gasps when they see Tim's final thought on
Mother Theresa, and it's a great kick-off both to this show
and to Tim's association with the
Destroyers.]
Opening
credits
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Hosting
sequence #1:
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Mike and
Ben show us a woman and introduce the theme of
the show.
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Instructional
Dating Video:
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*, a
new member of the cast, teaches viewers the do's
and don't's of a first date. Multiple choice
responses (in the style of YM!) appear on
the screen; * tells us to touch our
selection and the TV will keep track of our
score.
Featuring:
*
*
Read
the shooting script for this
skitch
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[I
felt kind of bad about using the "slap the bitch" joke so
often, or at all, mainly because I think * is wonderful
and didn't want her to feel hurt. She really plays a wide
role of goofy emotions in this piece and does them all
expertly. My favorite part is her warning about the mace.
That's my car she's in, the same one Leah gets in during
"Opposite Day."]
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Inconsequential
Women of the 20th Century:
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This
second installment highlights the shortcomings
of the actress who played Thelma on "Good
Times," the show where Jimmy Walker would say
"Dyn-o-mite!"
Featuring:
Tim
Heiderich
(voice)
<
Previous Clip
Next
Clip >
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Hosting
sequence #2:
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Mike and
Ben consider what it is about women that they
like. Mike likes women because they compliment
him, but then realizes that only his mother does
that.
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Jessica's
Shot Down
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Inspired
by Josh
Soskin's
Shot Down from the very first episode, Jessica
tries out an array of disgusting come-on lines
to unsuspecting men.
Featuring:
Jessica
Moss
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2000
MB Award Winner:
Worst
Joke Never to Tell Mom:
Coat hanger
abortions
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[Price
and I cooked up a lot of these lines while IMing one night,
mostly trying to gross each other out. He won, however, with
"You know who has a crush on you?" ... I can't even type the
second half of that line. Notice the coat
hanger.]
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Heckman's
Fantasy
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In this
week's plea to Michelle Kwan, we see Heckman
sitting in the editing room, reading racing
magazines, and dreaming of Michelle.
Featuring:
Sean
Heckman
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Male
Impregnation Foundation
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A
passionate group of students lobbies on Bruin
Walk and in Ackerman Union (specifically, the
elevators) for giving men the right to bear
children. They gather signatures, rally with the
loudspeaker, and demonstrate such concepts as
the "duderus" with detailed visual aids.
Featuring:
Price
Peterson,
Joe
Walcek,
Roberta
Brodsky,
Tim
Heiderich,
Rizwan
Kassim
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[I
love Thor's illustrations for this bit. His idea was to make
the whole thing as serious as possible, and I really like
the way it turned out.]
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Hosting
sequence #3
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Mike and
Ben solicit opinions about women from other men,
among them two guys who like tits and one
incredibly pretentious guy who actually has the
nerve to say his girlfriend is like "the other
half of my soul."
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[Okay,
that "other half of my soul" guy just makes me want to
SCREAM every time I see this show. Mike handles him well,
though, and Ben communicates well with the tits
guys.]
[You
gotta love Yani, or whoever that guy in the neon green is.
If we must find a replacement for Kris next year, this guy
gets my nomination. Am I the only one who wants to know if
the milk they pour over Ben is the same milk that the
shirtless guy is carrying up Bruin Walk? If so, why did he
give it to them? If not, where did they get
it?]
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Inconsequential
Women of the 20th Century:
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The third
installment holds up a series of women for
derision: Christina Aguilera, Jessica Simpson,
Leanne Rimes, Mandy Moore, and Trica Yearwood.
After getting confused as to which name goes
with which picture, we learn whom these
inconsequential women really wanted to
be.
Featuring:
Tim Heiderich (voice)
<
Previous Clip
Next
Clip >
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[It's
shameful that it took us this long to make fun of Jon Benet.
Thank God for Tim. Who, incidentally, played God in a later
episode.]
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The
Eve Factor
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A serious
political round-table show about women's issues
gets sidetracked as the experts are distracted
by fat girls in Capri pants, hotties, and "the
dancing bug."
Featuring:
Judy Ashouri, Leah Sprecher, * *,
Jessica Moss, Roberta Brodsky
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[I
think the original edit of this piece clocked in at
something like 10 minutes, and for something whittled down
as much as it was, it really retains the full appeal of the
uncut version. I watched this piece with a friend of mine
who used to debate, and he pointed out that the solution to
Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) is cultural imperialism. I
retorted haughtily that the name FGM is a biased term: after
all, to them it's not mutilation. I am sure this is
precisely the kind of discourse Price meant to provoke.
Notice the coat hanger.]
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Hosting
sequence #4:
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Mike and
Ben ask more men what they like about women. The
sub-titles alert us that these men are aroused
by little boys (specifically Elian Gonzales) and
find cancer funny.
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[Too
bad nobody will remember Elian in a few months. I'm told
that Heckman and the boys were worried about making these
hosting shots into funny stuff until they saw Tim's
contribution to the show, after which they added the
sub-titles figuring the ground had been
broken.]
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Inconsequential
Women of the 20th Century:
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The final
episode of this piece scorns "Cathy" of comic
strip fame for her fetal helplessness and
immaturity.
Featuring:
Tim Heiderich (voice)
<
Previous Clip
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[All
I can say is, yeah I hate "Cathy," but next to "Family
Circus" or "Garfield" she looks like fucking "Bloom
County."]
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Hosting
sequence #5:
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Mike and
Ben, still at a loss for a tidy conclusion to
the episode, intercept a real live woman on her
way to the bathroom. She spells it out for them:
"We're not better than the other, just
different."
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Closing
credits
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Mike
reveals that the seemingly enlightened woman
from the previous segment is in fact a
man-hater. Ben reminds Mike that he's not
funny.
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I'd like to
read
the E-mails
that the MB cast and crew was circulating at the time this
episode was being made.
It's more fun on
top.
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