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"What's News" #2
Bad
25th Episode
Valentine's Day #2
Kris Tribute
Las Vegas
Too Shitty to Remember
Fast Things
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Apology:
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to Enlarge
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Producer
Sean Heckman apologizes for giving Noah
Bookman credit for the Racist
Vagina
segment. I've seen some esoteric stuff, but I
just don't get this joke.
Featuring:
Sean
Heckman
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2001
MB Award Winner:
Most
Memorable Moment:
Noah Bookman
Incident
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What's
News Opening credits
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Hosting:
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Jennifer
Tiffany jokes around with her sunglasses and
Richard dashes out to his live racist
violence segment while Jennifer tries to
introduce it, despite an uncooperative pair
of cameras.
Featuring:
Tim
Heiderich,
Leah
Sprecher
Next
Clip >
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Racial
Incident:
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After
a brief pause, Richard rushes in to introduce
a segment on the racial violence epidemic. He
interviews a Black man who was attacked by a
passing white man's averted gaze. Expert
Mitchell Hagan, aided by computer models and
amateur video, describes the hate.
Featuring:
Tim
Heiderich,
Jason
Eason,
Adam
Epstein,
Thor
Erickson,
Matt
Motal,
Roberta
Brodsky
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Hosting:
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to Enlarge
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Back
in the newsroom, Jennifer presents a brief
story about a lesbian murder-suicide which,
thankfully, wasn't racially-motivated. A
breathless Richard returns to introduce a
story about Mexicans sneaking into the
U.S.
Featuring: Tim
Heiderich,
Leah
Sprecher
<
Previous Clip
Next
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Mexican
Smuggling:
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Correspondent
Timothy Heiderich reports on Marina Chiquita
de la Guardia, who snuck into the U.S.
through an elaborate system of tunnels, which
she was allegedly intending to use to store
more mexicans. Cameras taken inside the
tunnels show a vast, complex network. At a
sparse press conference, Marina's lawyer
insists the Mexican stereotype is a longtime
U.S. Citizen.
Featuring: Carrie
Lemus,
Greg
Snyder,
Sam
Paz
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Hosting:
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If not
this Mexican woman, Richard suggests the
tunnels may be the work of convict Andy
DuFresne, subterranian muppets The Fraggles,
or the A-Team. Jennifer abruptly segues into
a segment about bathroom midgets.
Featuring: Tim
Heiderich,
Leah
Sprecher
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Bathroom
Midgets:
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Again
this San Francisco news show concerns itself
with more problems at UCLA. This time, it's
UCLA's smallest epidemic: an infestation of
bathroom midgets. A correspondent interviews
an afflicted couple who is terrorized by this
pint-sized pestilence.
Featuring: Russell
Bourne,
Roberta
Brodsky
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Hosting:
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Richard
coaches Jennifer through her lines: Breaking
news; KWUT's helicopter, Airwatch Sky Patrol
What's News-1 has footage of a police
pursuit. We'll cut to it as soon as Jennifer
Tiffany can stop stumbling over her words and
introduce it, already.
Featuring: Tim
Heiderich,
Leah
Sprecher
<
Previous Clip
Next
Clip >
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Slow-Speed
Chase:
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A cop
on rollerblades and a cop on a razor scooter
attempt to arrest each other for scooting in
a no scooter zone and rollerblading in a no
rollerblading zone, respectively. Cameras on
the ground get footage of the cops attempting
to arrest each other, while the woman the
rollerblading cop stopped rides off on a
scooter.
Featuring: Jessica
Moss,
Jason
Eason,
Jeff
Parker
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Manora's
Celebrity Corner:
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Richard
and Jennifer listen attentively as Manora
blasts Mandy Moore, Destiny's Child,
Christina Aguilera (who can fit seven bowling
pins up her vagina), Jessica Simpson and a
bunch of other unfashionable pop stars. And
Brandy - are her eyes running from each
other? Manora also breaks the story on Meg
Ryan's battle with AIDS, and outs about 30
gay celebrities. He also reviews 'Snatch' and
Jennifer Lopez's 'The Wetback Planner' before
critiquing Jennifer Tiffany's fashion
non-sense; looking like she's going to the
Roxy after this.
Featuring: Jason
Eason,
Tim
Heiderich,
Leah
Sprecher
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Accu-Weather
Lab 2000:
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Certified*
Meterologist Sad Hobo Clown reports, "The
wind will blow, it's always cold - and I'm
always wet." 75 degrees and cloudy. Great
weekend weather, eh, Jennifer? Perhaps for
the beach? Jennifer spaces out on that
prospect and needs to be jostled by Richard
because she completely forgot where she
was.
*Uncertified
Featuring: Adam
Epstein,
Tim
Heiderich,
Leah
Sprecher
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Faces
& Places - Man Across the
Street:
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Claire
Morales interviews the man across the street
about how technology changes our lives. If
only technology allowed us the opportunity to
safely cross a busy street or hear people
from far away.
Featuring: Claire
Morales
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Treesful
Protest:
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Joe Walcek
reports on trees staging a 'root-in' to protest
the underrepresentation of this wooded minority.
Joe gets some cutting interviews with both trees
and counter-protesting humans, shouting, "Why
don't you make like yourself and leave?!" Will
new UC applications have a
animal/vegetable/mineral category?
Featuring: Joe
Walcek,
Matt
Motal,
Greg
Snyder
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Pass that
thing and go back
to the top
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