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"What's News" #3
Asian Episode
Kids Episode
Clearinghouse
of Comedy
Documentary / Best Of
Silent Episode
Musical
Farewell Extravaganza
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What's
News Live at 10:
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Richard
reports that UCLA's Mike & Ben
Show has taken off, after losing some
writers, with writer Tim Heiderich being
arrested for licking girls' pussies in the
public bathrooms. Jennifer misses the point
of the story and Richard has to explain
cunnilingus to a startled and disgusted
Jennifer before insulting everyone and
leaving for FOX News.
Featuring:
Leah
Sprecher,
Tim
Heiderich
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Opening
credits
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Fuck
Tim:
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Tim
gets a taste of his own medicine, which is
bitter and smells a little musty. It's his
fault he's on death row - no one forced him
to lick those girls' cooters; if anything,
they look that way just to keep people
from licking them.
Featuring:
Mike
Pesses,
Sean
Heckman
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Cynthia
Chan:
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Click
to Enlarge
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Didn't
Josh Muldavin call Mumia a fag with
full-blown-AIDS? I heard it was true.
Next
Clip >
Featuring:
Cynthia Chan
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Glory:
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Mike
tells of his friends' demise as part of his
failed comedy show. Featuring gratuitous
violence not seen since Saving Private
Ryan or Glory.
Featuring: Mike
Pesses,
Sean
Heckman,
Tim
Heiderich
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First
Annual Mylesie Awards:
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Click
to Enlarge
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Myles
calls Steve Martin, inviting him for the
first-annual Mylesie awards, for which he is
nominated. One time a friend of mine prank
called Steve Martin's house. When someone
picked up, he got startled and asked, "Is
Kevin there?" and the voice on the other end
of the line said, "Kevin who..." You
could totally tell it was Steve.
Next
Clip >
Featuring: Myles
Nye
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Cynthia
Chan:
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"1 in
20 Burmese forced to flee from their homes" -
which in laymen terms is a whopping 5% of the
Burmese population, which is less than half
the proportion of left-handed people. So take
the number of people you know who are left
handed, now split that number in half. That
many. Serious fuckin' tragedy.
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Previous Clip
Next
Clip >
Featuring:
Cynthia Chan
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What
Do You Know About Ja Music?:
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Myles
manages to meet some of the most hostile,
wasted and spaced-out dregs of the
Jazz/Reggae Festival. He attempts to feel the
rythm in his own way, but this diverse and
tolerant group of music afficianados draws
the line at tap dancing. Prejudice, table for
one.
Featuring: Myles
Nye
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Cynthia
Chan:
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to Enlarge
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"Cock.
I like it." Yeah, I'll bet she does. She's
got that cock-hungry look in her eyes.
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Previous Clip
Next
Clip >
Featuring:
Cynthia Chan
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Bunche
Hall Pooping Out Students:
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Ben
Larson and Ben Feller take way too long
describing UCLA buildings like they're
animals, before getting Sean Mount to be
eaten and pooped out by Bunche Hall.
Featuring:
Ben
Larson,
Ben
Feller,
Sean
Mount
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First
Annual Mylesie Awards:
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Myles
dials 8 to speak with Joan Cusack's agent's
calling service about inviting her or her
brother to the Mylesie awards.
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Next
Clip >
Featuring: Myles
Nye
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Cynthia
Chan:
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to Enlarge
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An
emphatic "Hey, Sean Heckman, go to
hell, you fucking pillow-biting
prick-teaser."(emphasis added)
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Next
Clip >
Featuring:
Cynthia Chan
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Bathroom
Opus:
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Nick
is shaving his armpits to make himself a
moustache. A bushy-boxed female rapist breaks
into his room and accosts him, threatening to
sit on his dick. Though his toilet is too
stunned to act, quick-thinking Nick uses his
razor to tame the rapist's monstrous bush.
Though the rapist fiercly rides Nick, he now
sports a thick, full, curly beard -
now who's got the upper hand?
Featuring:
Nick
Shaheen,
a female rapist
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First
Annual Mylesie Awards:
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Click
to Enlarge
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Myles
leaves a message for Martin Sheen to be a
presenter for the First Annual Mylesie
awards. Unfortunately, Martin and his wife
will be in Europe at the time.
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Previous Clip
Featuring: Myles
Nye
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Cynthia
Chan:
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Click
to Enlarge
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"The
only thing the Daily Bruin is good for is
wiping the blood from my cunt." Well,
finally, someone said it.
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Previous Clip
Featuring:
Cynthia Chan
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Tim's
Abduction:
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At
4:00 AM, the incarcerated cooter licker is
abducted, shoeless, by aliens. Aboard the
flying saucer, he meets the obscure
Mike
Negrete
who tells him he is going to be taken to his
home planet. He is dropped off onto a ship of
lost castaways looking for their home,
like
that
one
show,
where he meets the reincarnated Jen-Benet
Ramsey.
Featuring:
Tim
Heiderich,
Leah
Sprecher
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Pass that
thing and go back
to the top
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