(UCLAtv's Second Live News Broadcast...)
"The worst news show EVER returns!"

 

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"What's News" #3
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What's News Opening credits Hosting:

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Jennifer derails the newscast from the start with talk of her personal life, while Richard introduces a story about a plucky Black man who, uncharacteristically, steals something of little or no value: womens' "virtue".

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Featuring: Tim Heiderich, Leah Sprecher

 

The Groper:

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UCLA women once again have an excuse to be afraid to go out at night. Richard reports on "The Groper", who again attacked student Jessica Moss, only rather than suck out her tits, this time he made off with her vagina. Though this hasn't affected her sexual life, now she must pee sitting down.

Featuring: Tim Heiderich, Jessica Moss, Lawrence Givens, Viera Juarez

 

Hosting:

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Richard outlines "Take Back Every Other Night" where blacks and women are allowed to go out on alternating evenings, so as to prevent conflicts between the two groups. Jennifer introduces a story on a woman in Golden Gate Park who refused to get down from a tree, before handing it back to Richard.

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Featuring:  Tim Heiderich, Leah Sprecher

 

Treesful Protest:

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Activist Claire St. John cloistered hersulf up in a tree, protesting that she "Just wanted to climb a tree." Reporter Milo Quimby interviews counter-protestors about this irresolute, sloppy crack dyke and her radical politics.

Featuring: Myles Nye, Jessica Moss, Lawrence Givens, Ben Larson, Leah Sprecher, Sean Heckman 

 

Manora's Celebrity Gossip:

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Manora dishes out the inside scoop on Bandy's night vision, J. Lo's big-ass ass, Meg Ryan's death from AIDS and, of course, Whitney Houston's crack habit and how it's spread to Michael J. Fox.

Featuring: Jason Eason

 

Anger Management:

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Jennifer Tiffany introduces a segment where psychologists Moss and Nobel coach people on Bruin Walk on how to get in touch with their inner rage. Jennifer goes off on some bizarre tangent about detecting anger in circus ponies and Dr. Nobel is accosted by two thugs who use their inner rage to coax Dr. Nobel's wallet from him.
Richard's summation, "It didn't make a whole hell of a lot of sense."

Featuring: Myles Nye, Sean Hart, Leah Sprecher

Whats Wrongs:

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As a public service, KWUT Station Manager Jonathan P. What, Jr. helps 'stick it to the man' by investigating viewer complaints about local businesses, but meets with little success.

Featuring: Mike Pesses

 

Accu-Weather Lab Storm Report 2000 with Sad Hobo Clown:

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75-degrees and sunny. Perfect weather for anyone passed out on a tennis court.

Featuring: Adam Epstein

 

 

Flaming Fernando's Fashion Corner:

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Fashion Correspondent Flaming Fernando visits the streets of San Francisco to tell us what's flaming-hot and what's straight-laced and dull as well as what's out and what should stay in the closet.

Featuring: Sam Paz, TV's 'Blossom'

 

Hosting with Meredith Brown:

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Broadcast journalism hopeful Meredith Brown is unquestioningly unpresentable, but her check cleared, so What's News had to put her on the air.

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Featuring: Tim Heiderich, Leah Sprecher, Jessica Moss

 

SP #2 - No Pooping on Campus:

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 Reporter Claire is at the local University of California to talk to people about the new law SP #2, which bars pooping in public on UC campuses. In a point/counterpoint, Media Baron John Ramsey faces off against retard Timothy Ward O'Connor on SP #2. Ramsey says pooping on campus is bad for hygene, while Timothy refutes this with, "Hi, Gene..."

Featuring: Claire Morales, Ben Larson, Greg Snyder

 

Hosting:

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Manora complains to Richard about the odious Meredith showing up on What's News. The show quickly ends with a positive word from Jennifer and a muttered "Screw this." from Richard.

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Featuring: Tim Heiderich, Leah Sprecher, Jessica Moss, Jason Eason

 

 

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